This final week of April I had hoped would be joyous as it was spring break and I'd taken the week off to spend with the kids. A much needed break.
The Haunt. This darn card. This woman with her face buried in her hands, with so much worry. That is exactly how the week went.
When I did the ritual coloring for this card, I colored in the bed with all of the astrological glyphs. In reading about the intended symbolism of this (Spirit Keeper's Tarot created by Benebell Wen) it struck me how this symbolized some type of karma for the worry that has taken this literal form of a shadow hanging over the woman.
I had not planned a whole lot for the kids and I over spring break. Whilst some of their friends were off to Disney or Jamaica, we would be having a "staycation". Having been gone for work the week before I really felt out of sorts. I knew this week was coming and had a few ideas - but, I was just worried it was going to be zero fun. We did however plot out some activities that they both seemed pretty happy with: tennis at the park, baking, and also just plain old sleeping in! Also we'd been talking about going to the Franklin Institute for the day to see The Marvel exhibit. So I got tickets and all seemed right with the world plus the weather forecast was gorgeous.
I did not however sleep in because I was so worried about being away from for an entire week. so I logged in each morning for an hour just to check in.
Then the morning we were on our way to Philly, about 4 minutes from the house - wham! Car accident right in the middle of an intersection. The other driver ran a red light and slammed into the driver's side of the car. It was scary and I'm still a little shaken. But everyone was ok including the other driver. We took my son to AI DuPont just as a precaution per EMS even though visibly there was nothing wrong - nothing broken, no bleeding (he was sitting behind me, driver's side - my daughter was in the front passenger side).
Then The Haunt kicked in to high gear: Was my son actually ok? Was this my fault? I've ruined spring break.....etc etc etc....
Once my son was deemed ok, I started re-hashing the whole thing. Their Dad came straight away and I have to say, he was a grounding force for all of us. He's listening to me recall everything, and then he says, "Leah, I stopped at the scene and took a ton of pictures. I saw it. Don't second guess yourself." Then my son, "Mom. Stop. The light was green. I saw it, too."
Still to think I could have been the cause of harming my own children and another person, it weighs heavy on me.
The energy of The Haunt is no joke. It creeps in your head, and stays until you gain the mental capacity to shake it off, cut cords with it, put plans in place to strengthen your karma. Or better yet, all of the above.
The Warrior, Master of the Mystic Light reversed as the month's theme, well it definitely could have been much worse - but it wasn't. The Marvel tickets were refunded, and cars can be fixed. My former husband is also a Leo - Leo being associated with The Sun card and in this case The Warrior. For certain he was a warrior for us this day for which I am incredibly grateful. We didn't get to do all of the things we wanted to do, yet we were still able to find some joy. We all recognized how lucky we were, and did our best to enjoy the beautiful sunny weather and allowing it to seep in to our bodies helping us regain our vitality.
April was a lot of ups and downs. I'd say I'm pretty ready for May.
This third week of April focused on the 3 of Chalices, from Spirit Keeper's Tarot created by Benebell Wen (...I'm a geeky fan girl. It's true.).
It's spirit resident is The Kindred.
Not long after I pulled the April month ahead cards, work approved me to go to North Carolina for a week to meet with my staff there and welcome two new hires so I could start the on-boarding process in person. In this virtual world, I had never met my staff in person. We talk on the phone, video chat sometimes, IM all of the time - but never in person. So this was a big deal for many reasons.....I actually still can't believe they approved it. When I went back to the 3 of Chalices I thought, yeah, this is good, it's going to go well. And so it did. That face to face interaction was so needed. This group of women and one gentleman are down to earth and delightful, support each other, and work hard. I was so happy we could all find the time to have a nice leisurely dinner together during that week. Perfect.
Ok so now is the point where I go to my theme card for the month: The Warrior Rx (aka, The Sun): Master of the Mystic Light. By this time I'm really getting the whole "things are great and all, but...." and "almost but not quite" vibes from this card. Indeed, the week was great; I just wished I'd had more time! It was so busy. When I left to fly home, and there were flight delays marring my otherwise smooth as silk traveling experience, immediately I thought, "Well, there's my Reversed Warrior."
Sitting at the terminal waiting for the latest news on when our flight might finally leave at the mercy of some weather, I did what any normal person would do: take out my book, "The Marseille Tarot Revealed" by Yoav Ben-Dov as I am learning Marseille. A woman came and sat down right next to me, got settled in, and she looked at me and said, "Do you read tarot?"
Me: "Yes! Yes I do!"
Woman: "So do I!"
And from that moment we started talking shop up until it was time to board, and right on to the plane. It was absolutely a "kindred" moment. AND that may not have happened had it not been for this "almost but not quite" Warrior Rx flight delay.
It gets better.
We walk onto the plane, our seats are exactly next to each other, and we're just dying. Of course they are together!
She looked at me again and said, "Are you a Scorpio?"
Me: "I'm Scorpio rising! It's even my IG handle!"
She is a Scorpio sun.
Our daughters' names are the same, and her daughter's middle name is my first name.
Can you imagine? The epitome of Kindred Spirits, somewhat like Anne and Diana. We continued to talk barely noticing the plane taking off, and exchange esoteric knowledge, web sites, astrological readings, etc. etc. etc. It was bliss to talk to a perfect stranger about all of the things.
If I were to write a Warrior Rx addendum to this post, I would tell you that the flight was very bumpy and rough, and that I became quite green around the gills, and that I almost threw up.
But not quite.
Ah yes. The Burdened One. Ten of Scepters. The burden of obligation.
When this card showed itself at the beginning of the month, I assumed it would be with work what with all of the wands. I saw that coming. There's been a massive uptick in that realm, and I was planning a work trip during this 2nd week, so this didn't surprise me. With it being a 10, I just figured, ok, I've gotta muscle through this week and just manage all of it the best I can knowing it would be somewhat finite.
What I didn't quite see coming was my daughter having a full on meltdown.
Her beast of burden: dyslexia.
We've been here in this place before, and typically I can talk her out of it. We've discussed in every possible way why we have her go to the reading specialist, give concrete examples of how it is helping, also explain that we hold privilege and as such have resources to do this and we must honor it, and on and on.
However, in this moment, during this week, this was not at all what she needed. She needed to let out how this is impacting her. She's in this constant state of doing homework and then her dyslexia exercises. Monday's are hard. She doesn't get time to do her schoolwork at the end of the day because we're off to the reading specialist and then don't get home until around 7:00PM. Then she goes to do her assignments.
It's a lot, and her overriding feeling of needing to get it all done on this particular Monday had built and built and built. So much so that she was in an out and out refusal to even walk into the office. In hindsight, I understand that for her the act of walking in is just a tangible reminder she's got this thing she's gotta deal with. Always. This isn't something that goes away.
She lashed out in ways that I hadn't before seen. For my girl, that's pretty big. She's such a sweet and kind soul at her core that to see her like that - well, I couldn't even be upset with how she lashed out. She was at her point, and I needed to give her the space to be there.
Thankfully Dr. C., as we call her, has this way with her..........and me, too, to be honest. I'm fairly certain Dr. C. should be sainted. Long story short we're implementing some steps and ways that we can ensure she doesn't get to this point again - or at least any time soon - because.........well, life, right?
The lesson from The Burdened One is to try to have a conscious moment during the times you are just overwhelmed with obligation. Easier said than done, yet, if we can we should remember this: We break down to rebuild and start over. If we need to stop and unload before we take what we learned and keep going, then know this is necessary. So it is and so it shall be.
The Warrior Rx (aka The Sun)?
Again, this whole feeling of "almost but not quite".
I don't know how successfully I resolved all of that meltdown. I don't know that I was a true Warrior/Leo Momma for my daughter in the way I should have been or could have been. In that sense there is this burden that weighs on me. It's all a learning for me, too - figuring out what works and what doesn't work as a parent.
Alright - on we go.
So now that I have figured out that I am supposed to be using Spirit Keeper's Tarot for my month ahead spreads ALL YEAR, I think I'm set. In a previous IG post I mentioned that my intentions had been to use a different deck every month. When nothing clicked for March having used another deck, I had an epiphany that when I did my year ahead wheel I had apparently entered into some kind binding agreement with Spirit of which I was not aware. Hm. Not sure how I didn't get that since it's blatantly called "Spirit Keeper's Tarot"! Well now that that's out of the way......
The card for the first week of April was the Archangel of Glory, Angel of Art and Grace (aka King of Wands). How did this card show up for me during this first week? A lot of it had to do with taking my power back, and having the courage and confidence to do so. I don't often associate this card with boundaries, but in order to get some of this back, laying that down was exactly what I had to do.
It mostly came into play with my day job, which makes sense. The card would be associated with the suit of wands which is often times related to career, and I am also a Leo in a leadership-type of position. I realized there were some things where I was being taken advantage of due to a particular skill. Not to bore you with the details, but basically I finally had to say "no" and find a clever, diplomatic way to put a stop. So I did.
Where Archangel of Glory and my theme card for April, The Warrior Rx (aka The Sun), showed up for me was also in the work arena - not surprising given the wands and fire. A good thing: my reward statement became available and effective. I'm never quite sure how I'm doing compared to my colleagues, and I would never ask. I just make note of what increases look like from year to year to ensure thing are going in the right direction which they are. This first week of April though, it came to my attention that I'd been passed over for a promotion.
Am I grateful for my job and how it allows me to provide for my children? Am I fortunate and privileged with what I was given? Without question, absolutely, yes yes yes. Completely grateful.
Did it sting? Yep. 100%. It means I wasn't as successful maybe as I could have been (the Warrior Rx) as a leader and a prideful Leo (Archangel of Glory/King of Wands).
What I realized with the Archangel of Glory, specifically as it pertains to Spirit Keeper's Tarot, is that when it shows up you are being tapped on the shoulder to live up to this Archangel's message and Divine qualities because - and this is important - you can and should. As a result, I'm now on the lookout for opportunities where I can make more of a difference within this microcosm of the work realm, and keeping my boss informed, and working with him to flesh these things out as needed.
These cards also showed up where my tarot endeavors are concerned. During this first week of April I read at an event that one of my girlfriends had arranged at a salon. The primary goal was to get my name out there a little more - to just go for it, exercise skill and confidence. Was it successful? Welllllll - yes and no (again, The Warrior Rx). The people for whom I read were appreciative which was great. I got good feedback. They were each a little chatty (especially after some wine) and I didn't manage the time very well. Also the money, not good. Still that didn't bother me because I still did it and everyone seemed happy AND I had the chance to see exactly what and how I would do things differently the next time.
As it so happened, the salon invited me back as soon as that next Wednesday for another event. I was able to implement almost everything I wanted to change. It went smoother and was more prosperous due to some prep work I did, including timing a couple of readings for my soul sister to ensure I could deliver a solid, concise message in a specific amount of time needed for these type of things. And in that way, I could shift my perspective to putting into action what I could personally do to manage this theme card reversal in a positive way.
The takeaway from The Archangel of Glory and The Warrior Rx: Call my shots, prepare, lead with boundaries, and know that it's ok to process improve from missed opportunities. It doesn't mean I'm "bad" or "unsuccessful" or not valued. This is how I grow. Also I think I can see now how important this will be for the remainder of the month.
As always, if you've made it down this far thank you for taking the time to read these little posts......xo, Leah