I felt this one.
Even without any knowledge of tarot, one could look at the card and know this isn't good. We see the figure in the card upright in bed, face in hands, a shadowy, horned figure right beside her. For me this showed up as not much sleep due to anxiety. You know that song "Overkill" by Colin Hay?  - that could pretty much some this up nicely.

For Spirit Keeper's Tarot, which is what I used for this month ahead spread, the prescribed method of activating your deck was via ritual coloring in the Book of Maps. The Book of Maps is basically an LWB on steroids. It is a grimoire for the deck with incredible information within, as well as full page pictures of each card you can color.
I've included a picture of the one symbol I chose to color which was the astrological glyphs on the bed. When I started coloring I kept hearing, "You made your bed now you have to lie in it." I also heard, "You can change your karmic debt." There's a feeling with this card that you've created your own destiny that is the basis for this mental turmoil.

Now, I saw this card a few weeks ago when I pulled the month ahead. I've been dreading it, and as such the anxiety for this past week built and built. Months ago I colored in the glyphs on the bed, and here I was having anxiety over the potential of having anxiety. At the risk of stating the obvious it all very much became a self- fulfilled prophecy, the shadowy figure my own shadow haunting me.

It did however become prevalent at work (my "day job"). On a much more mundane level, I'm losing 3 of my staff; all for great reasons! Two to career development moves, and one who is on maternity leave. Two had their last day on the 15th and yes one of those two had the baby girl on that day which also happened to be her own birthday!
This is exactly where my February monthly theme card The Empress and the 9 of Swords intersected. Three females all growing and expanding in different ways. Beautiful! The downside - me having to implement all of the coverage plans for all of the work. This was no easy feat, but it got done.

Another way I saw the Empress intersect with the 9 of Swords was awaiting the release of the album. For this I only play on one track, but it was going to be birthed out into the Universe at the end of the week. I've been fortunate to have a window into how things get done with an album almost from beginning to end over the last 5 years. I've been an observer, yet there was strong sense of anticipation turned anxiety throughout the week; not only for the release, but also in kind of feeling liked, "Hm. What now?"......I'm still figuring out the latter. lEt' call it a 9 of Swords hangover of, "Oh my God/dess what do I work on now musically?".
The Empress is there to remind me that in fact I do create, and I will create again when Spirit whispers in my ear.

as always if you've made it down this far i appreciate you! - leah

Week two of my February month ahead spread was the 6 of Chalices. This card is all about feelings of nostalgia, childhood memories, maybe unrequited love, or even just sweet memories from your past. When I look at the Spirit Keeper's Tarot's (created by Benebell Wen) 6 of Cups-or Chalices in this deck-it was easy to see my own son and daughter as the baby phoenix and the baby dragon respectively. The spirit occupant of the card is The Memory Keeper, and there's a sense of being able to access your Akashic records with it's presence.

There were several moments over the last week where I was feeling nostalgic, and it was through my children. Also ever present this past week was my theme card of the month, The Empress: the mother, the earth, the creator who births art and beauty into existence. The most obvious to note was that the children were with me last week (as opposed to with their Dad) so the Empress was truly predominant, but hold that thought....

Alright so going to back to the 6 of Chalices there was definitely a food theme.
In once case specifically Girl Scout Cookies. At the behest of my progeny, I caved and bought a few boxes outside the store where the girls were set up . Honestly, I can't remember the last time I had had these delectables. Together the 3 of us sat on the couch to watch a movie, and my son popped a thin mint in my mouth.
It was  joy.
So much so that my son sat up and exclaimed, "Mom! You looked exactly like how you must have looked as a little girl eating these!" It was that plain on my face. Immediately I was 10, sitting in the grade school cafeteria taking one out of my lunchbox. Sheer, genuine delight.

Then there was a snow day and I made hot chocolate. Not unusual. But there was something about standing in the kitchen, looking out at the snow as I stirred the chocolate on the stove, the aroma, it took me back to snow days in Ohio when we'd trek to my Grandmother and Grandfather's house to sled down their hill. My Grandmother and I were very close and she passed just 4 years ago at 97, but it seems like it could have happened yesterday. She was my number one supporter in all things and in life.
And I stood there.
And I cried.
It was visceral how it took me back. I could almost hug her again with the warm mug of hot chocolate in my hands.

One day during the week I was just exhausted. So.Many.Projects.Due....for the kiddos. And I'm not crafty. The Empress got us through, but Sweet Mary. I laid down in my bed, just for a minute, and my son came in and said, "Ok I'm gonna tuck you in."

?

What? Really? When in the world was the last time someone tucked ME in? Surely I was a child! And so he did. He put the covers over me, tucked them around, turned out the lights, and gave me a big hug. When the children were babies into their toddler years, I took great joy in the night time routine. Books, stories, puppet shadows, and of course rocking in the chair and singing their songs to help them sleep. There are days when I kinda miss it. It appears I taught him well though because I slept like a baby that night.

Now with my daughter both cards were ever present last week. Really for both of us.
She is in 6th grade ("6" of cups....see that?), and also 12 ( 1+2=3, The Empress....by the way if you are into numerology she is in her "3" year. Coincidence. I think not), and there was a lot of ....let's say navigating the whole being a young lady of 12 in the 6th grade last week. Again, there was so much memory recall of that time in my own life. All I could do was say all of the things I wished I could go back and tell my 12-year old self, only to my daughter. 
She told me something amazing. She and just a couple of her close friends are talking things out. They meet under a tree at recess and talk about all things awkward. They've named the tree "The Awkward Tree". That's way more emotionally intelligent than I remember being at that age. They hold counsel there without judgment. Just talk. Goddesses in training I think.

Indeed I will keep these memories created by my children this past week as per the The Memory Keeper spirit occupant of the 6 of Chalices.
​I suspect having recorded them here will invoke nostalgia in years to come.

(if you've made it down this far, thank you...xxoo Leah)

For February's month ahead, I opted to use Spirit Keeper's Tarot created by Benebell Wen. In January I pulled the year ahead wheel, and have decided to use the cards from the wheel as the theme card in the month ahead spread each month.
So for example, the card for February from the wheel was The Empress. Before pulling the four cards that would mark each week of the month, I searched through the deck and pulled out The Empress and laid her down, like a significator. Then I shuffled and drew the remaining 4 cards.
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So onto the 8 of Swords for this first week. You'll notice the cards have a spirit resident, and so for the 8 of Swords it is The Captor. This was so true during this first week of February where I found myself feeling stagnant and still, unable to move forward, not knowing how to take up space on IG, as a musician, as a Tarot Card reader, in a relationship, and also being in a rift with my parents (long story, I'll spare you).....but, you get the idea. In reflection, there has been a lot of self-talk that goes like, "I can't..", "You shouldn't...", "Who are you to..." rinse, repeat. By saying these things I just haven't been able to see clearly. In essence, I am my own captor and such is the 8 of Swords, right?

Part of how I like to operate with the month ahead is to take each card of the week first by itself, and then take a look at it alongside the theme card. As I close out this week, I started to look at The Empress and see her as my guidepost for the month. So I asked her, "How do I get out of this?" and she said, "You are going to create your way out of this. I am here to help and nurture this."

Then an idea came. In Mary K. Greer's book "Tarot Reversals" she writes about enantiodrama, a term borrowed by Jung from Heraclitus. Greer further quotes Jeremy Taylor on his definition of enantiodrama which is ".....this predictable tendency of seemingly polar opposites to flip over, and turn into one another at precisely the moment when they seem to be most in opposition."
Although this was used in the context of learning tarot reversals, why not apply it to this Captor situation? Worth a shot. 

I started saying all of the "You can'ts" and "You shouldn'ts" and "That won't works" with exaggeration to the point where things flipped over. I heard myself and my self sounded utterly ridiculous. Then it became, "I will." Then, I did a tarot reading for a fellow IG kindred spirit that went well. I picked up the phone and called my Mom (Mom/Empress....see how that works?). I posted this here. The other things will get sorted, but in the end perhaps this was a creative way to untie the ropes and take off the blindfold.

Each month I begin with a month ahead spread. The spread itself I found on my RWS phone app of all places. Five cards: four to mark each week of the month, and then one theme card. It became a good "go-to" spread when I was doing reading for people who didn't have a specific question, but just wanted a general outlook for the month, or the next 4 weeks.

Eventually this became my own practice for a few reasons. First, it really did give me a pretty good outlook for the month. Second, it just helped me connect with the cards more. Relating the card meanings back to my day to day life only further deepened their meanings to me. It became personal, spiritual, it made me stay present so I could really and truly get how each card was showing up for me day to day, week to week, and then month to month. It also became apparent that it was vitally important for continuing my Tarot education. Paternicity people! Paternicity! Finally it was a chance for me to reflect through writing during the course of the month. It started to become so clear the connections not only in my own life, but in the people around me, and even at times world events.

Now, for card readers or anyone who practices a form of divination this will not seem unique that such connections would be made, and yet I can't help but be fascinated with it like a little kid every. single. time. I feel as though there is always more to learn or write about when it comes to Tarot and so I thought why not put my thoughts here, on this blog portion of the web site I'm obviously not using and needed to evolve.
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And so I realized this Citrine Compass's truer north.
No coincidence that my soul sister contacted me as I'm writing to let me know North actually changed a little today on this New Moon Aquarius.
"North is no longer North, " she said.
And so it is.

These are my musings and experiences with  Tarot and the month ahead.
Just a girl and her cards.